Misplaced Missive #17 – Permanence

I don’t know how to tell you:
How this reads wrong.
You’re expecting something forever long,
Something permanent carved in fate,
But I don’t want the same.
It’s not my name
Engraved beside yours.

You’re so stable. So predictable.
The traditional path leads to
Where I will not go,
But you can’t understand how that can be so.
How I can be uncomfortable in the confines of conformity
When those same walls keep you safe and steady.

I want to stop overthinking it.
Why can’t this be instinctual?
Based less on society’s rituals,
More on what’s spectacularly out of the ordinary
And ‘expected’.

I’m tired of lying to you,
By not explaining what I mean,
And letting you live by your assumptions.
It’s been a long term lapse in judgment;
A temporary case of fairytale pretend,
But now it must end,
Because the only thing I want to be permanent in this world is
Change.

Jessie Gutierrez

PS: Things change almost as much as they stay exactly the same. Younger me was so distraught over things I take for granted as an adult. I wonder if in a few years the things I worry about today will seem just as obvious. 

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